I'm daring to dream
And I'm going big
Hello, and thank you for reading The Honesty Box. Today, I’m writing about how I let myself have big dreams - and how I want to go bigger. I hope some of what I say resonates.
A while ago, I went to a workshop where we were asked to visualise what we wanted to happen in the next few years of our lives, with the idea that we would create a vision board to support our dreams. I didn’t really understand the concept and could only think of the word “honesty” (of which more later). It turns out that visualisation means thinking in detail about the situations I would like to be in - where am I, who is around me, what can I see, how do things smell?
I resisted even imagining these things. What if I really wanted to write a book but then didn’t do it? What if I dreamt about having a man and children in my life but allowing myself to visualise them somehow jinxed things so that it never happened? What if I visualised a beautiful garden but it never materialised?
A vision board, full of pictures of the things my heart desired, would only serve to remind me of what I hadn’t achieved, and a few years down the line the images would blare out at me as if to say “see, I said you couldn’t do it”.
Being able to see what I’m aiming for has helped me achieve stuff
But then I took the chance. I went through magazines, cutting out words and pictures that jumped out at me, allowing myself to imagine a bigger life. “Build it and they will come,” “THIS IS LOVE,” “Welcome, remarkable man,” “Books of the month,” “Celebrate good times,” now sit on my board alongside pictures of my family, a wildflower meadow, a hand in the earth, a kind-looking hot man or two, a couple embracing, a man and a child looking at a sunset, a disco ball, people dancing, friends around a summer table and a review of the River Café restaurant in London (somewhere I’ve always wanted to be taken by my life partner).
It must’ve been three years since I made my board, and I’d say it has spent most of the past two hidden behind a chair against a wall. But looking at it yesterday, it’s funny how much of it has come true: I have a newfound love for disco (as I recently wrote about) and on Friday night I went to a night called La Discotheque at London’s massive Printworks club and danced my socks off.
I’ve ghost written a book, which won a Business Book Award last year. I’m working on ways to make my local mini park a more beautiful and friendly space for people in my street, and last summer I started properly planting things in my own garden. Since I made the vision board, a second nephew has arrived, and I have made new friends at my co-working space.
I haven’t sat looking at my board thinking that I must start doing some of these things (such as the gardening), but just having identified those words and pictures and been through the process of sticking them to a piece of cardboard must’ve somehow ingrained them into my unconscious mind.
Being able to see what I’m aiming for has helped me achieve stuff, though I do know that you can’t just sit around daydreaming that these things will happen (imagining how you are going to succeed is more effective than squeezing your eyes together tightly and wishing for it, researchers say).
The big thing that hasn’t come to pass is the man, and if I’m honest, looking at that part of the board triggers rather a familiar “where the f is he” feeling. So perhaps it’s time to shift my focus. Looking at the pictures I chose I now realise most of them are of a man rather than a relationship: When I made the board, my headspace was closer to “where is this man who is going to complete me?” rather than “how can I help myself be a remarkable woman, one who is ready to contribute to a great relationship?”
The hard part is going bigger. Now, I’m less scared about how I’ll feel if these things don’t come to pass, but in the name of being brave, here are two things I’d love:
A great relationship, based on mutual understanding and being able to see the other person’s point of view even if we don’t agree with each other.
I’d like to write a book that has a big impact and helps people. Then I’d like that book to become a TV series, which I also create (now that really is a big vision!).
Back to that word honesty. It didn’t appear on my vision board, but this newsletter has somehow magically materialised…
What are you allowing yourself to dream big about?
Thanks to Sharon McCutcheon and Unsplash for the image that appears on the desktop homepage of this newsletter.
Ways to donate to Ukraine
As the Ukrainian capital Kyiv is invaded by Russia, I watch helplessly, wondering how and when it will stop, feeling sad, angry and confused, trying to take in what is going on. Donating to Unicef, the British Red Cross or Choose Love will help people, while being careful about what you share on social media will help to stop the spread of incorrect information about the conflict, as this Time article points out.
Sky News has this explanation of what Russian president Vladimir Putin is doing, condemning his views as “utterly warped,” and the BBC details what has happened so far.