What advice would your older self give you right now?
A kind way to nudge your life in the right direction
I was thinking about writing a response to an episode of the BBC radio show Anti Social called “Breeding for Britain” that this week discussed ‘why deaths have outnumbered births in the UK for the first time in nearly 50 years’ but it’s sooo complicated that I’m going to have to ponder on it a bit longer.
I mention it because it’s fascinating and infuriating, and if you’re interested in population trends, ageing, fertility, the reasons behind ‘unplanned childlessness’ and how some groups are trying to control reproductive rights (and not just in the US) then listen to it.
And - before I get on to today’s topic - if you’re new here and signed up from an article I wrote for the i newspaper about how I tried to ‘romanticise’ my life as a single person - thank you. And, if you missed me here last weekend, then apologies, I had just returned from Sardinia and went to bed at 8pm instead of writing this.
So, a short and sweet one today.
‘What advice would you have for your younger self?’ is a question that countless books and articles have been written about, and Kirsty Young’s ‘Young Again’ podcast seeks to do with famous guests.
But what happens when we flip it? What would our much older selves say to us about our lives right now, and in the next few years? What advice can you imagine that person giving you today?
That radio programme on population demographics touched on something I’ve been interested in for a while - age and ageing - and, as I’m firmly in midlife, I find myself looking backwards and forwards more and more. The longer ago something happened, the more I want to grab hold of it and not let its memory go – the golden years of university in particular.
In some ways, my 40s have felt rather like my student days, as I’m feeling curious and creative, trying new things, going clubbing and wanting to experiment - and in ways I didn’t back then (some more rebellious than others). Forty-seven year old me is giving student me a high-five for some unexpected midlife inspiration. But what would elderly Lucy like to see middle-aged me get up to?
In Sardinia, I was on a fitness holiday, the kind where there’s a timetable of activities and you can do as much or as little as you like, led by legions of tanned 20-somethings working a season as sports instructors. The trip made me want to do a season as a grown-up, something I never did when I was younger. I’m seriously considering it for next summer (though you won’t find me instructing anything - I’d be more on the hosting side of things).
If I look at this idea through the eyes of middle-aged me, then I worry about how I’d fit in with the 20-somethings in Sardinia; the elderly me says go for it - many of the guests were my age or older and I’d be a great host.
The middle-aged me also looks in the mirror at my wrinkles and wishes them gone (no, I haven’t tried injectables but I have added a retinol eye cream into my ‘skincare regime’ - it appears to have made a small difference), while I can hear elder Lucy screaming ‘you’re beautiful, appreciate it!’ at me.
Whenever I go for a run (erm, 5k once a month?) I think about how much I hate running but how one day I won’t be able to do it. Or if I’m dilly dallying about the gym I think about the fact that in years to come the choice of whether or not to lift weights might not exist because I won’t have the strength. Elder me is flipping a slipper and saying ‘go for it!.
So, I think it’s a great question: what advice would your older self give you - and can you tweak something in your life today?
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Useful thought experiment, thanks Lucy. I suppose my 87-year old self would tell my 47-year old self: "You don't realise how young you are, enjoy every single moment!"
I love this question Lucy! I think my older self would say to me ( current age 49): " everything works out. You thought you would always exist in an unhappy marriage, falter without his finances/on your income alone, never have sex or good sex again, never dance to loud pop music in your living room... Concentrate on your spirit, on joy, on your friends and loved ones. Let all the work bullshit go - it deserves just an eye roll in the realms of time, and keep voting and fighting." OR more probably: "for fucks sake- stay away from tequila."