Why I am a tryer-outer

What's the best - or worst - class/course/thing you've tried?

If I were to try painting, this is exactly how my paint pot would look. Experimental! Creative! Artistic! (A massive mess). Photo by Mike Petrucci on Unsplash

Hello! Thank you for being here. I hope you are keeping warm, getting some outdoors time and are feeling ready for festive merrymaking in whatever form that takes for you.

The coming week is Christmas party time for me and I’m planning to have one drink at the first two (both are lunches) and a few more at the final one (an evening thing) - I’ll let you know how that goes.

A short ‘things I like’ today. (If you’re new here: I usually write weekly, and sometimes intersperse my regular newsletters with a short list of things - or thing - I like.)

This week it’s psychotherapist Philippa Perry’s latest book, The Book You Want Everyone You Love to Read, which says on the cover that it is: “Sane and sage advice to help you navigate all of your most important relationships.”

But before I talk about the book, I want to say thank you.

Lots of you got in touch with love for Text Lucy after I wrote about her - my sassy alter ego - last time, and I’m really grateful.

I’m also grateful to Text Lucy, because she helped me this week when I asked politely and assertively for money someone owed me.

That might not sound like a major thing, but instead of beating around the bush and using lots of exclamation marks or smiling emojis or ‘would you possiblys,’ I just asked straight out and sent my bank details, and received the cash that day.

I don’t know why it’s so hard to ask for what I’m owed but I’m sure I’m not alone in this.

Other things I did this week include asking for a raise (also hard to do), going to a real-life networking event for journalists and applying to be mentored (I’m 46 and have never had one), and discussing writing with real book authors who have actually been published. Woah - writing these things down makes me feel proud of my efforts.

And, alongside all of these positive things, I’m stuck in a broken record in my mind that says something like ‘editors ignore me when I pitch, so I’m going to give up,’ which has led to thoughts of ‘my ideas are all crap.’ Which is where I think Philippa can help.

The Book You Want Everyone You Love to Read is the follow-up to The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read, which I also recommend.

Philippa writes about how people get in their own way - the kind of people who try to blame everyone else for their own shortcomings, who wonder why they are stuck in a work/life/social rut and who have decided they will never be able to do this or that because they never have done this or that before.

(Of course, I’ve never ever been one of these people! (I am this person sometimes. Except when I’m being Text Lucy.))

Philippa herself is a brilliant example of someone who tried out lots of things to work out what she was good at. She was dyslexic at school and then trained to be a secretary, which didn’t work out.

Then she became a paralegal before deciding she wanted to meet creative types and did a film appreciation class, but that didn’t suit her either.

After that, she did a creative writing course, where she met her future husband Grayson Perry – and eventually she became a writer, journalist and broadcaster.

“I tend to forget all the other classes I tried which did so much less for me, but I’m very glad I didn’t give up trying to find one that suited me just because so many did not,” she writes.

“I kept going until I found the class that inspired me, and in doing so I found the partner I wanted to be with too.”

The point is, she kept trying stuff to see what suited her, for the pure reason that she felt she wanted more creativity in her life. And not, I don’t think, for any kind of massive goal.

Are you a tryer-outer too? Comment below

(I used to do classes because I thought I might meet my future husband that way. Hello climbing course, where I was the only woman, although when I joined ‘rock club’ after I’d been deemed to have passed the lying-upside-down-on-the-climbing-wall-and-letting-go-test, I was paired with a boy who’d just done his GCSEs who definitely wasn’t husband material. Hello salsa dance classes, football appreciation courses and beer-brewing lessons instead.*)

In all seriousness, Philippa has inspired me.

“It is natural after six attempts at anything, if all six experiences have been bad – maybe job interviews, or online dates – to think, I can’t do this and this is obviously not for me,” she writes.

But, Philippa says, you can still change your mindset.

She gives the example of a keen salesperson. “If one in every fifty cold calls leads to a sale, a trick successful salespeople do is think that the more failed calls they get, the closer they get to a sale,” and the more enthusiasm they display as the process goes on.

To be fair on myself, I have been pretty good at trying new things for the pure curiosity of doing so, and some of them have been joyful. You could say I’m a tryer-outer.

Doing an acting improvisation class via online video in the pandemic helped me laugh during lockdown.

Here I am on stage attempting improv with an organisation called Hoopla

Taking a real-life improv class got me on to a stage show, where among other things I had to pretend to be a scaffolder (I am 5’4, size 8 and the least likely scaffolder you have ever met) and it was among the most fun experiences I’ve ever had.

And going by myself to a disco party put on by volunteers in a community centre has helped me meet new people this year.

I think it’s the combination of trying new things (real-life events, where you meet actual humans) plus some dogged determination, salesperson-style, that is going to help me in 2024.

Anyway, I really recommend Philippa’s book for your Christmas list - or as a gift for someone you love, because it might just help them get unstuck (or simply become less annoying in general).

I’ll be back next week, and then I’m going to take a week (or maybe two) off over the festive period.

Let me know: are you a tryer-outer too? How did it go?

* I did learn salsa. Beer and football lessons were blatant lies. (Sorry for the lazy stereotypes.)

PS: I also tried touch rugby in an attempt to meet men. It was an out of body experience, and not in a good way. Read more about that here.