Here's my 'situation'

It's not what I thought it would be, but I'm doing fine thank you very much

Jumping for joy with my nephews in Norfolk last month

Hello! And thank you so much for reading The Honesty Box today. Last week I told you I was going to answer the question “What’s your situation?” which I was recently asked by an acquaintance of someone I know. It was out of the blue, and I was taken aback.

My answer was: “I’m a journalist, and I live in Harlesden,” I said, not thinking much of it. Then another person approached us, and the conversation moved on.

Later, I reflected. What is my situation, and what did this person mean by the question?

I suspect they were trying to find out my marital and parenthood status (I knew this person when I was much younger and they have children a bit older than me) and I suppose it’s a standard societal query that some people say out loud and others simply wonder to themselves, or maybe ask someone else if they know the answer.

Then I got a bit cross.

Why did this person need to know anything about the set of circumstances in which I find myself; my state of affairs, (to paraphrase the Oxford Languages definition of ‘situation’)?

I went freelance, I ‘did the work’ and then I got to 39

I bought a flat, became an aunt, and life was much more fine

What would this person have answered if I’d asked them the same question? Whose business is it to know someone else’s state of affairs? Why is everyone so bloomin’ nosy?

On one hand, I’m all about being upfront about the set of circumstances in which I find myself.

Part of the reason I write The Honesty Box is because my ‘situation’ isn’t what I expected it to be aged 45, and I want to talk openly about that because I hope other people will feel seen, and I want society to accept that there are many ways to live.

But on the other, when the relative stranger asked me that question, I felt annoyed, so maybe I’m not entirely comfortable with myself all the time.

Anyway, I’ve had a think about the set of circumstances in which I find myself. I think this little list could be much longer, but these are the things that popped up in my mind about my state of affairs.

My Situation

By Lucy Handley

I grew up in north London and holidayed in Cornwall

As a teen I loved to act in plays and life was pretty normal

I went to university in Birmingham and made friends forever

I started off in advertising but I didn’t like it - never

I left to be a journalist, to listen and chat and write

I moved home to study, and find out what seemed right

I lost my dad at 31 – it was the worst time of my life

I flailed around, looked for a man – I wanted to be a wife

I always thought I’d have kids, but it wasn’t meant to be

Those years were tough, I guess I was unlucky

I went freelance, I ‘did the work’ and then I got to 39

I bought a flat, became an aunt, and life was much more fine

I’m a woman and a human and a daughter and a sister

A niece and a friend and an auntie and a writer

I love to dance, to host, to read, to feel

I crave connection - but only when it’s real

I love my life and now I see

What’s my situation? I am joyful me

So there you have it.

What’s your ‘situation?’ And how do you feel about being asked about it? I’d love to know what you think.