Take chances. Have a big life. And be honest with yourself

I'm taking Joan Didion's advice

Trees in my local park the other week - still clinging on to some colour. No particular reason for this pic, I simply liked it.

Hello! And thank you for being here. Merry Christmas! Happy belated Hanukkah! I hope you have a wonderful winterval holiday season - whatever you celebrate, or don’t, I hope you’re doing OK.

I started The Honesty Box because I wanted to express myself, to say how I am feeling about life in all its ups and downs, and to try to do that thing that Joan Didion talked about which is to write to find out what I’m thinking.

In doing so, I hope others can feel heard. (I’m still getting to know Joan’s writing – she was an American writer and journalist who had a lot to say about life, and who died almost exactly two years ago.)

Here’s another thing she said: “I’m not telling you to make the world better, because I don’t think that progress is necessarily part of the package. I’m just telling you to live in it. Not just to endure it, not just to suffer it, not just to pass through it, but to live in it. To look at it. To try to get the picture. To live recklessly. To take chances. To make your own work and take pride in it. To seize the moment.”

(This is from her commencement speech at the University of California, Riverside in 1975).

The bit I love about this quote is “to take chances,” and I think being honest about feelings and doings can involve taking chances – emotional risks.

On Tuesday, I read aloud my ‘Text Lucy’ newsletter from a couple of weeks back to some of the people in a writing class I’m taking. (Text Lucy is kind of my alter ego, the part of me who says exactly what she wants and who thinks ‘ugh fuck no’ more than you might imagine.)

I’d avoided discussing this newsletter because I don’t think what I write here is very literary and therefore it wasn’t ‘worthy’ of my writing class.

But it is the real me, an amalgamation of some of my thoughts and feelings, and it comes out of my head and on to the page in some kind of Lucy/Text Lucy style in several hours every Friday or Saturday afternoon.

Reading it out I felt vulnerable, but at the same time, I wanted their honest feedback, so I took Joan’s advice and did it anyway.

Niches or specialisms do well on Substack, which is the online platform I publish this on, and Holly, who runs the writing group, agreed that I perhaps need more focus.

I’m not a well-known author or celeb for whom readers will line up because they are nosy about said famous person’s life, and neither am I an expert in, say, the inner workings of the beauty industry (read

Jessica DeFino

to learn all about that).

So, why am I here? And why are you?

I’m here because I believe that if we can be honest with each other about what’s really going on for us, beneath the surface, we can get to know each other and have more understanding for ourselves, and the world.

That has always been the point of The Honesty Box. When I started writing this, I was exploring how I was feeling about being in my mid-40s and without kids (childless, or childfree – it’s complicated, and you can read about that here), something which I had felt unable to express freely before that.

And why are you here? Well, I want you to know that it’s OK to be honest about your feelings and needs and say, hey, I’m feeling lonely/I would like a pay review/I would like a second opinion and equally to say: I did this thing I’m really proud of/I looked hot at that party/I took a chance and failed and I’m trying again.

Elizabeth Gilbert

, who wrote Eat Pray Love, also talks about honesty, as I read in a quote posted by The London Writers’ Salon on Instagram this week.

“The older I get, the less impressed I become with originality. These days, I’m far more moved by authenticity. Attempts at originality can often feel forced and precious, but authenticity has quiet resonance that never fails to stir me.” (I think this is from Elizabeth’s book Big Magic from an internet search.)

The part of this quote that gets me is: “authenticity has quiet resonance that never fails to stir me,” and hopefully this is what I’m doing, week in, week out.

Honesty is also relatable.

When the actor Tom Hollander was featured in The Sunday Times’ A Life in the Day section, he talked about the time-filling stuff he does when he doesn’t have work on, including heating up the cafetiere of coffee from the day before and inspecting his stomach and bald patch in the mirror.

He wanted to tell a more realistic life story compared to the other men who’d been featured, he told TV show Lorraine. “They all woke up incredibly early then ran several businesses and did 150 press ups before breakfast and it was just one long boast. I thought it would be refreshing to do one about how life is really for most people, or a version of it,” he said.

So in the spirit of focusing more, next year I’m doubling down on the honesty, the taking of chances and the relatability. I’m going to start approaching people I admire about a ‘moment of honesty’ for them.

This could be anything from realising they don’t like their job and doing something about it, finishing a relationship or having a difficult conversation with a friend.

I’ll aim to do one of these interviews every month and I’ll ask how they made a decision to be honest, what it was like in the moment, and whether they would do something differently next time.

And, as I value my time and writing skills, I am also working out the best way to switch on paid-for subscriptions that feels fair for you and fair for me.

Next Sunday is Christmas Eve, and if I have something fun to say, I’ll be here. If not, you can assume I’ll be elbow deep in attempting to make Nigella’s salted chocolate tart recipe and I’ll see you on the other side…

Thank you for being here, and happy Christmas!