When did you last big up yourself?

Please send me your tips on how to do it!

Yay to me, and yay to you! Photo by Patti Black on Unsplash

Hello! And thank you for reading The Honesty Box.

This week I’ve been thinking about how to celebrate success – both mine and other people’s, because we don’t always stop to acknowledge moments that aren’t the big traditional ones. And, in the past few days, a couple of friends have had some great career highs.

One, my friend M who works for herself as a consultant in sustainability, landed a big contract, under terms she created.

Another, my friend C, who changed career to become a nursery teacher earlier this year, received a beautiful card from the parents of the children she looks after, thanking her for bringing joy and laughter into their children’s lives and saying how they love that they talk about C so fondly at home.

Congratulations you wonderful women!

And so, I wonder: Do you remember the last time someone praised you? What about you – when did you last big yourself up? What did you say to yourself? And, did you really bask in that achievement, however small or large?

Being acknowledged and wanting to receive positive feedback is something that starts in childhood.

Witness one of my little nephews on a recent weekend shouting “Mummy! Daddy! Lucy! Watch me go in the air!” as he was about to launch himself down a slide, insisting we all looked before he slid vigorously down, bouncing a little on the way.

We all congratulated him when he got to the bottom. “Again!” he shouted, as he rushed to climb up the ladder to go down another time.

As adults, we can’t as effectively employ shouting for praise (that’s not my style anyway), but feeling seen and heard, and getting positive feedback, are things every human craves. And, as a self-employed and single person, I don’t always receive those things.

This isn’t meant to be a ‘poor me’ story, and I realise that working for myself is a choice, but sometimes I do have to remember to big myself up, to tell other people about things I’m proud to have done, and to celebrate their achievements too.

On a trip to Valencia with my friend N last month, we were chatting about the pandemic and how our lives had changed since, plus some tough bits we’d been through.

It might sound cheesy, but we started talking about what we were proud of the other person for doing, and it was a lovely experience. Thank you, gorgeous N!

I’ve written before about how I put together a list of my ‘greatest hits,’ articles I was most proud of writing, when I was thinking about content for my website.

Feeling a surge of pride, I typed at the top of the page “I am fucking good at this,” and was able to pat myself on the back in that moment. But acknowledging my own achievements isn’t something that comes naturally, and so I resolve to make more effort to do so.

A senior person at one of the companies I work for recently gave me some feedback during an email exchange about another topic. “You’re a very good writer,” he wrote. “And that is rare.”

Wow, I thought, this feels like high praise, and I told a friend about it the other day.

So I’m curious, in what ways do you affirm yourself, and others? If you’re in a relationship, do you have regular ways of doing this?

And, what about receiving positive feedback – how do you bask in that? Let me know in the comments about how you’re proud of yourself - in any kind of small (or large) way - and we can celebrate together!

I’ll leave you with lyrics from two songs:

“What have you done today to make you feel proud?

“It's never too late to try,” from Proud, by Heather Small.

“If I'm shining, everybody gonna shine, I was born like this, don't even gotta try,

“I'm like Chardonnay, get better over time

“Heard you say I'm not the baddest bitch, you lie.” from Juice, by Lizzo.